Not the end of the road, but your escort along the way
I’ve found that when you want something out of reach, it’s because you believe you will then acquire happiness, or at the least, a piece of that rather fragmented puzzle. Excitement. Satisfaction. Joy. However you choose to define that elated feeling. It also seems that in order to get what it is that you want, well, there only seems to be just a few ways. One, maybe two roads, and neither promise a smooth path for the journey.
Regardless, most of us start out excited to venture down this avenue. Yes, we are nervous, a little apprehensive because we forsee it will be challenging — nothing we can’t handle though — a change, and uncomfortable at times. However, WE ARE MOTIVATED. We are ready. It’s time to pursue a dream and conquer it into reality. Cue happiness.
Then life happens.
NOOO! NOT LIFE!!!
You mean something unexpected happened?
Damn it. AGAIN?! You mean you can’t see the future? You mean you can’t control everything?
How will you ever be happy? What’s the point? Why keep going? You’ve lost all motivation. All excitment. “I just can’t.”
Listen, this where you want me to say, “Woe is you, indeed.” But I won’t. Life is unfair when you expect it to be perfectly just. Life is expensive when you expect it to be cheap. Life is inconvenient when you expect it to be steady. No, the world is not on your side. It’s not on anyone’s side though.
Here’s what you need to understand:
First. You don’t arrive at happiness. Happiness is a series of moments, events, emotions. You live being inspired by happiness, and you live to invoke happiness. If happy is the opposite of sad, then we should expect for that feeling of elation to ebb and flow the way that despair casts its long shadow as dark clouds cover the sun. Eventually, the clouds pass. The world is bright again. These feelings we posses are triggered by circumstances -internal and external. And circumstances change. Can we ever be compeltely rid of sadness? No, of course not. Memories stick. Wounds heal slowly. Death is an earthly permanance. New pain will come.
I think it is the same for happiness. We don’t constantly experience it because fear and disappointment will demand you have room for them too. Even boredom settles its dust on your shiney new whatever, muting the brilliance. However, unlike sadness, when happiness steps out of the room, we miss its presence. Oh, we long for it. And we try to get it back.
CS Lewis writes in Surprised By Joy:
“All joy REMINDS. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still ‘about to be’.”
Second. Happiness is NOT contentment. Rather, it is a part of it. Contentment is the present. It is current. It is a place of peace, or assurance, or just being okay with shit, despite your circumstances. So then fear, sadness, anger -all those are apart of contentment as well.
So with life being -well, life, What can you control? Only your response. What can you change? Your persepctive. That type of empowerment is what yields action, achievement, a spark of happiness, and grants us true contentment.
— — —
Okay, so I love to take broad thoughts and patterns, and apply them specifically.
Weight loss application (why? because losing weight is haarrrrdddd):
You want to have a body you feel good about because that makes you happy. That is okay. That is not vanity, that is self love.
You will NEVER be happy, nor content, compromising everything it will require for you to get there. Even if you don’t like the fact that you need to exercise, and can’t eat everything you want or when you want. I mean duh. Think about it. Your ultimate goal is to feel good about yourself. Do you really feel better about yourself drinking your beers and eating your chicken wings? I know I can hear people right now thinking “Haha! Hell yeah I do!!” Well, I hope you have a baby wipe to clean off your BBQ stache and fingers so you don’t get that mess all over your computer. And no you don’t. No one feels good when they sabbotage their own goals, when they forfeit control, and opt for what is ultimately working against self-improvement.
Quick soap box: Here’s the thing about food: IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. Oh, and here is the other thing about it: IT DOESN’T LOVE YOU BACK. Seriously, you can go without something temporarily, or not as often or as much, and you will be fine.
So here is the caveat in pursing happiness. We can’t always go after the fleeting moments of fun. Pizza makes you happy, but so does seeing the number on the scale drop. It’s a balancing act. Temporary satisfaction vs. longevity will always be one of our greatest internal conflicts as humans. So the real question you must ask yourself is not “Will this make me happy?”
BUT—
“AM I WILLING?”
Are you willing to keep going when life hits? When you don’t feel like it? Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to make sacrifices, compromises, and use your God-given self-control?
If not, then don’t kid yourself. Keep running on a hamster wheel.
If you aren’t content, then run hard after what you want, and find that happiness did not desert you, but will accompany you along the way.
